Welcome to part FIVE of my “What’s a 2 To Do?” series, y’all! Somehow, getting to this fifth installment makes it feel even more like a legit series. I mean, I guess after two blog posts it was already a series of sorts, right? But five feels like a pretty cool benchmark to me, so…HIGH FIVE for post five!
Back in the second post of this series, I went into a little more depth about being an Enneagram 2W3. So, today I want to talk about some misconceptions when it comes to Twos because I think that recognizing and addressing these is important to my own Twoness.
“Twos are competitive people. They are always trying to outdo everyone.” (FALSE.)
I can’t speak for all Twos, but I can say that I’ve been labeled as competitive and that one stung me. First, let me say that if you are a (healthy) competitive person, there is nothing in the world wrong with that. But that is NOT me. My driving motivation is not being in competition with anyone, unless its my own self. The one and only way I’m trying to be a competitive personality is just trying to keep becoming the best version of me. Okay, fine…I’ll admit that I’m also competitive playing Mario Kart and I will red turtle-shell my own children to get to that finish line first. I also want to beat the time that Waze first gives me when I’m going somewhere. But, honestly? I am not at all what I consider a truly competitive person. In my Twoness, I try to be someone who encourages and cheers on other people, so that doesn’t leave room for competition. I really want to see others happy, healthy and thriving. I truly don’t see other people as my competition in life.
I think that sometimes we Twos get labeled as competitive because we tend to be “get stuff done” kind of people. We see something that needs to be done and we do it. We anticipate a need and we work to meet it. That’s just who we are. And, I think that sometimes we may come across as taking over when people don’t know us well or don’t realize that our core motivation, more often than not, is a genuine desire just to help out and do good. To tie this back to another blog post, I think this is where we have to have discernment and boundaries so that we keep doing the good we are lead to do, but that we are cognizant to try not to step on any toes. We can’t, and shouldn’t even want to, change our nature to help, but we can make sure that we leave room for others to help when situations arise also. We also have to realize that sometimes our motives are just going to be misjudged and we have to let that be in some cases. We can’t change everyone’s perception, but we can always go forward with our own integrity solidly in place.
Do NOT mistake my kindness for flirting.
Okay, this one is personal, but being a woman I have definitely had my kind and outgoing nature mistaken for flirting. And, I really just want to know…what’s up with that?! Do we really live in such a world that if someone shows kindness and is friendly, chatty and helpful, it’s just an automatic assumption that some flirting is going on? GAH! This is just craziness to me.
My entire life, I’ve been friends with girls and guys alike. In fact, for awhile in my 20’s, I actually had more guy friends than girlfriends. I adore my lady friends, but I am the kind of person who is just going to have guy friends too. It’s how I’m wired. So, let me just throw out a public THANK YOU to my guy friends who know that I’m just being me and that I’m totally not flirting when I’m being nice, chatty, etc. I’m just wired to be a people person and I really don’t have any desire to change that. I’m happily married going on 20 years and I’ve been way out of the flirting (with others) game for a very long time. I’m pretty sure I remember how, but I’m also pretty sure that it looks different than how I act in every day life too. So, please do us Twos a favor and let us be kind and friendly without thinking we have a motive that is anything other than being good people. That’s really what we are out here trying to do is just be good humans.
******
I do think that more often than not, our motives are clear and we are respected for being exactly who we are. There are just occasions when our Twoness is misconstrued, so I wanted to clear up at least a couple of those. Two friends, have you had these or similar experiences? What are some things that you wish people knew are NOT true about Twos?
Basically, the takeaway I would like this post to have is for all of us to try to see the best in everyone. Not just Twos, of course. At the end of the day, I believe most of us are genuinely out here trying to be our best selves and trying in our own ways to impart good into this world. Let’s encourage that in one another, shall we?
Be Happy & Healthy, Y’all…
Kelly