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About That “Mom Squad” Thing…

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Mom Squad. You’ve heard the term, right? It seems to be the buzz-phrase of late on the mom social media scene. I’m sure you’ve heard it or seen it in several places already. If not, then I bet you’ll notice it now. Isn’t it funny how that happens? You never hear of something until someone mentions it and then…bam…it’s everywhere?! Just look and you’ll see it in photo posts, hashtags, etc.

But, really…what IS a “mom squad”, anyway? I guess that depends on who you ask. I think perhaps the most commonly held assumption is that it’s a group of mom friends (I hate to say “clique” as that can sometimes have negative connotations associated with it) that hang together often. Right? It’s a group of friends where the kids are friends and the moms are friends. It’s the groups where if one mom shows up to pick up all the squad’s kids from school, no one blinks an eye because they all just roll together like that. Pretty awesome, right? Yep. Unless you don’t have that. And, then…what?

I Googled the term “mom squad” and there is no shortage of blogs telling us all how a mom squad is, basically, essential to mom life today. You can read any number of blog posts about how you MUST have a mom squad and how this group will have your back and save your sanity a thousand different ways. Which…hey…that’s beautiful! Moms helping moms? Nothing short of incredible. Truly. In a world where judgment seems to be passed on every parenting decision you could ever possibly make? Bring ON having like-minded people around you who can also get your kid from the bus stop if you get stuck in traffic or who bring you a Starbucks just because or who meet you for lunch on certain days of the week because that’s just what you do. That cannot be a bad thing. But, what if you don’t have that?

See, I’ve read articles and blogs about how you need to get yourself a mom squad, but, frankly…it’s not always just that easy. It’s not like you can just WANT it and make it happen. As social and as outgoing as I am, and as many friends as I’m fortunate to have? I still don’t belong to a traditional “mom squad” and, really, I never have. I’ve never been a part of just one group of friends. All my life, I’ve always had friends of various ages, stages, races, etc. And, I like it that way. No…I actually LOVE it that way. I wouldn’t say that I so much have a “circle of friends” as I feel I have more of an “Oval of Awesome.” See, even my closest friends are a wonderful variety that encourage me in every facet possible. Where would I be without…

  • My college-age and 20-something friends? Some aren’t married and don’t have children yet and they remind of of all the possibility that is before them and how that can be terrifying, but also incredible. They also encourage me because they aren’t SO far removed from our girls’ ages and they help me to be reminded of what it’s like to be a tween and a teen.
  • My young married/young children friends? Sometimes, I get to be the one giving advice and the main thing I try to share with those who are newly married is to soak up those moments of just being husband and wife. Kids are such a blessing, but so is being together and learning life together before kids come into the family. And, I always try to encourage new parents, particularly new moms because it’s true that the “days are long, but the years are short.”
  • My tween/teen parent friends? We are on this hormonal roller-coaster together, y’all! Sometimes it’s a thrill ride, sometimes it’s a tilt-a-whirl of crazy, sometimes it’s a upside-down-hang-on-for-your-life spin, and sometimes it’s wonderfully adventurous. Through it all? It’s always incredible! And, this stage? It has a lot of great about it. Thank God we have our friends in the trenches so we know that when the tailspins happen, we aren’t alone. And when the cool stuff happens, we can high five one another and celebrate!
  • My “older” kid parent/empty-nester friends? The ones who have been there/done that and gotten their kids off to college and/or grown are of such value in my life. Just like I remind new mamas and parents of screaming toddlers of how quickly THOSE years pass by? I have parents whose kids are grown who pour that same knowledge back into me to help me fully embrace all of these years too.
  • My child-free friends? Some of our friends are child-free by choice and they remind us that everyone’s life choices are their own to make and to live out just how they see fit to do so. I feel like our world basically says “you MUST have kids”, but some people don’t feel so lead and I support their right to go with their own flow. And, some of our friends are in waiting period, for various reasons, while wanting to start their families. I have seen such faith in action in the waiting process. It’s not always pretty, but that’s life and it’s real and we all need to see that in action.
  • My “just like family” friends? I have a few friends who I very much consider my family. Words fail to be adequate here, but those friends are the ones I know will I’ll be friends with for all my days. Ever heard that saying that some come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? The lifetimers in my own life aren’t many in number, but I couldn’t be more thankful to have them.
  • My faith encouraging friends? I think we all need people in our life that encourage us. For me, I truly value my Christian faith and, just like other Christians, I need encouragement in my walk and my daily life. I’m so fortunate that I have friends that pour into me and that I get to pour into as well. I pray frequently that our girls will have and BE these types of friends too.
  • My “not just like me” friends? I have friends who beautifully decorate my life with rich diversity. How boring and blah would life be without the blessing of diversity? And, let me just be honest here too – if every friend I had was just like me? My life would be a hot mess. I love the balance and goodness that variety brings into my life.

I feel like I could go on and on with this because I have such a wonderful array of varied friendships in my life. And, just like any friendships, some are closer to me than others, but I’m thankful for every single one in my life.  I may not have a traditional “mom squad”, but I’m no less rich in friendships that make my life so much better.

Here’s where I want to encourage us all. If you’re a part of a “mom squad” group of friends? Embrace that. Seriously, it’s incredible. But, if, like me, you don’t have that one solid group? Please don’t be discouraged. Please don’t feel like that’s all there is because I bet that, like me, if you assess the relationships you have in your life, you’ll see how the friendships you DO have are blessings too.

Let’s all be sure to value our friendships where they are. Let’s pour into those we care about and truly support one another. Really, that’s the main thing. It’s not about how many friends you have or if you even have a squad at all. It’s about being invested in those that are in your life and having those who return the same back to you. Life is short, so we must all cherish the good we have, share the burden of the difficulties we experience, and support one another as we journey together. Let’s be ALL IN on what really matters and grow kindness where we can.

Blessings,
Kel

Dusting off the blog…

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Y’all. I fell into blogging never-land. Again. I didn’t mean to, but it just sort of happened. And, sometimes when it happens like that it somehow becomes habit NOT to blog. But, I do miss it. I find myself formulating blog posts in my head and what I need to do is getting them done here instead. So, let’s see if I can dust off this ole blog of mine and keep on track a little bit better.

The last time I blogged was in April. What has happened since then?  One of the biggest things that happened was that we did some renovating of our main level.

In April, we started the renovation process.  Some of it was DIY and some was done by contractors. One of the first things we did was rip out all of the old carpeting. We did this ourselves and while it was one heck of a monster job we saved a lot in tear out costs, so it was worthwhile.


Behold – our family room subfloor. (Along with the old furniture and wall decor)

One of my next projects was to paint our fireplace from red brick to white. This project was SOOOOOOO easy, I did it all myself, and I absolutely love how it turned out!


During/Before and After (before we added back the TV)

All I did to paint the fireplace brick was use white latex paint that I cut with water. Some people leave a more distressed look and I really like that too, but for our space I wanted it to more more white and it really brightened up the room and updated the whole look there.

We also repainted almost every wall on the main level. All that didn’t get repainted (yet) is the foyer and the study. I used one color palette and did all the walls colors on the palette. I did a lot of the painting myself during the day and Mickey and the girls helped a ton with touch ups too. Also, the biggest change was that we finally got our Pergo floors put in and we LOVE them!


Here you can see some of the flooring and see the fireplace coming together. 

Our next project was the kitchen. We had our builders grade counter tops and our faux finished back splash taken out and had quartz counters and a glass tile back splash installed. We also got a new under-mount sink and a new faucet in the process.


This is a look at our counter tops. They went in a week or two before the back splash. Oh, we just LOVE them! The quartz is awesome!!

The back splash install took a long time, but the guy that did it was just the best. He was so detailed and the end result was fantastic!


(Note: the cabinets come later…)

I cannot even put into words how HAPPY it made me to start getting our kitchen updated, y’all. But, with those updates, the cabinets really started to bug me being just plain ole oak, so plans got made to paint those over the summer too, but that had to wait a little bit.

My next project was to update the dining room which we had already re-purposed to mostly be a study area for the girls. I’ve wanted some plain windows for a long time and a friend just so happened to be giving a pair away, so I got those AND an old ladder. Granted, I had ZERO clue what to do with an old ladder, but that’s where Pinterest is your friend, right? I have to say, I still love how this came together!

Notice that the old ladder was re-purposed as a wall-hanging AND a corner shelf. So cool, right? And, I love the old windows on the other wall. This room is one of my very favorite places!

Anyone that knows me knows I am a coffee fanatic. So, when I saw this cute sign at Dollar Tree (can y’all believe that?!), I just had to have it!

Heading into July, we only had a few weeks left before school started again, so we had to make great use of our time and had some projects left to finish – such as painting the kitchen cabinets. I’m not even going to act like that wasn’t a J-O-B, friends, but it was so well worth it! I used Rustoleum Cabinet Transformations for the paint process and it was really easy to do. Labor intensive, make no mistake, but it wasn’t difficult in the grand scheme.


These photos show some of the stages we went through with the kitchen cabinet process.

 

It looks SO different now and so much better. The room is brighter and updated and just HAPPY! We are so happy with how it turned out! I still have some touch-up painting to do, so someone come MAKE me do that. LOL!

Another DIY project we undertook was doing some updating in our basement. We first painted over a super adorable zoo animals mural that had been on the walls since we moved into our house in 2006. That was bittersweet, but the blue we chose from the main level palette really works in the space! Our next project was laying vinyl plank flooring in our basement. This was a project that basically took Mickey and me most of a day to do ourselves, but we are super proud of the way it turned out. We went from just sub-floor down there after a water issue to having amazing looking basement floors. And, we did it OURSELVES too! I won’t give us an expert level rating, but we make it work. (*wink)

I don’t have updated photos of the basement, but we have since put a futon bunk in there. We are also creating a dance area for Mariana and have the treadmill there, etc. It’s a great hang out space again.


Our updated family room (before it was decorated for autumn)


Our updated fireplace with a fire in it and “This is Us” on the tv one morning when I woke up way too early. 


Our updated dining room/study room 


Our updated kitchen

I seriously cannot help but to smile, even still, when I see the progress we made in our house. Of course, there is still much I would like to do, but I’m THRILLED to have this much done. We are over the moon with our renovations.

And, with this post, I may have bored y’all to tears, but I have also successfully dusted off those cobwebs my poor blog was accumulating lately. I’ll try to do better about keeping it updated.

Have an amazing week, y’all…
Kel

Be Where Your Feet Are…

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Once a month, Passion City Church hosts a women’s worship evening called The Grove. I’ve been several times and I’m now on a three month streak which is I have to say is pretty awesome! The Grove is an incredible evening of worship and inspiration for women of faith. They never announce who will be leading worship or who will be speaking – you just show up and get surprised. And, seriously? It never disappoints. Not ever. So, if you are a lady in the metro Atlanta area, let me encourage you to check out The Grove. It’s such a blessing!

This past Monday evening was April’s evening for The Grove. On that evening, Hannah Brencher was the speaker. I had never heard of her, to be honest, but I had also never heard Christine Caine until January when she came and spoke such passionate truth. What an amazing warrior for Christ and for people!

If you visit Hannah’s blog, you can learn more of her story. I won’t go over it in detail here, but I will say that she has such a sweet and powerful testimony. When she first came out to speak and was introduced as being 28 years old, I’m going to just go ahead and admit that I thought to myself “What can she offer to this over forty wife and mom?” I look back now and I cringe at my initial thought, y’all. Sure, Hannah isn’t even 30 yet, and she hasn’t been married a long time, but she had some seriously incredible insight and wisdom to offer through her testimony. She is willing to be transparent about her journey, including having gone through the depths of a serious depression, and she has such insight to offer anyone at any phase of life as a result of being willing to just open up and SHARE. I admire her faithfulness to follow the call God has placed on her to reach people. She has inspired me to reach out better and to more tangibly let people know they matter. What a beautiful thing to offer, right?

One of the statements Hannah made on Monday night that stood out to me the very most was when she said “Be where your feet are…” In other words, don’t get bogged down in the past and don’t get stressed out about the future — be where your feet are and that’s in TODAY. How many of us struggle with past failures? The “if only” things, the “what was I thinking” occurrences, and the “I wish I hadn’t” aspects can get to all of us.  We have to remember that the past is in the past. We cannot change our past mistakes, but we CAN learn from them and grow. Sometimes we deal with things in our past that were not our fault, but affect us just the same and that’s also a heavy load to carry. But, we don’t have to carry the past. We can leave it. And, we should.  Just as a seed has to be broken within the earth to grow, we can grow from the brokenness in any situation. I’m not saying it’s easy to leave the past in the past, but what I am saying is that Jesus is restorative and we need to trust Him to take away the blemishes of the past. We are called to move forward in our faith not harboring grudges, but freely offering forgiveness and that includes forgiving ourselves and others for wrongs. We are also instructed in Scripture not to worry about the future. Matthew 6:34 states “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” In other words, we are to be present in each day going about life as God leads and provides. I don’t think that means we can’t somewhat plan for the future because, let’s be honest, we all do that by nature. But, what I take it to mean is that we can’t fixate or focus on the possible future when we have a very real today in front of us. We also shouldn’t put off things because that future may not come. Offer that forgiveness…send that note…tell your family and friends how much they mean to you…give a meal to the person you see that seems to need one…BE PRESENT IN TODAY. There are SO many ways to make your days matter for the good. Like Hannah said so beautifully – be where your feet are. Your feet are in today. My feet are in today. Let’s use them. Let’s go after making every “today” we get the best we possibly can, chasing God’s plan for our lives. It’s not always pretty, it’s certainly not always easy, and sometimes it’s not even clear what our today plan should be, but be in that day. Don’t let insecurities about the past or the future mire your purpose for the day you’re given.

I want to be clear here – I know that it’s not always as easy as deciding to let go of something. I get that and I’m very much not trying to over-simply anyone’s process of dealing with what life drops on us. There is no “one size fits all” way to move past things, especially if they are painful or traumatic. Please don’t think I’m glossing over the hurt that life can and does inflict. I’m really not doing that and I hope it doesn’t come across that way. What I want to offer is HOPE. Hope in the redemptive nature of Jesus, hope in a better today, and hope in healing. I know it’s not nearly as simplistic, many times, of just wanting to move along, but I do know, without a doubt, that Jesus can and does restore. Restoration might not look like what we think it should, but He is faithful. Trust that. Lean into that. Live in that. Each today can be a new beginning and a step toward healing.

And, as we go forward, I want you to know that YOU MATTER. However your today goes…you matter and you are loved God more than any of us could ever imagine.

From my heart,
Kelly

 

What Are You…Wednesday

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It’s been awhile since I posted. I didn’t really mean to take a blogging hiatus, but it naturally just happened. I’m trying to ease back in now with hopes of blogging again more regularly. I figured a good jumping back in place would be a “What Are You…Wednesday” post.

One of my very favorite questions to ask is…

What are you reading?

Lately I have read two wonderful historical fiction novels.

The Midwife’s Revolt by Jodi Daynard was the first one I read a few weeks ago.

This novel was recommended to me by several people earlier this year. I have to say, their recommendations were spot on! I really enjoyed this book. The Midwife’s Revolt is set in Revolutionary War times and this particular novel centers mainly around Lizzie Boylston. I was endeared to Lizzie right from the beginning because her character is a strong woman who realizes her own strengths and shortcomings, is fiercely dedicated to her family and friends, is very skilled at her midwife profession, and is unwavering in her devotion to the patriot cause in early America. This was a lovely read and I anticipate that I will read the remaining books in this series in the near future.

That Deadly Space by Gerald Gillis is the most recent historical fiction novel I’ve read.

While this is a departure of sorts from my typical southern fiction reading, as was The Midwife’s Revolt, I thoroughly enjoyed this novel.  In full disclosure, the author and his wife are great friends of ours, but my review and opinions are completely non-biased. I genuinely enjoyed this book and I found myself invested in the character development of the main character, Conor Rafferty.

As I noted in my Amazon review, I also appreciated Conor’s stance on the Cause of the Confederacy. I don’t like reviews that give away plot details, so I’ll just say that Conor’s convictions are ones I find myself in agreement with even today.

This novel wonderfully weaves two story lines together. Readers get to know Conor the Civil War soldier and we also get to know Conor the grandfather who has reunited with his grandson late in his life. The story lines highlight elements of leadership, commitment, forgiveness, and redemption. Conor’s character strengths and flaws are prevalent in the book and you see how he grows emotionally and spiritually as the result of his life experiences.

If you want a real deal, snag this great read on Kindle for only $2.99! Get to know Conor Rafferty and I think you’ll find, like me, that he’s a character you will certainly remember.

Hope Heals by Katherine and Jay Wolf is the book I’m reading currently. Amazon recently notified me that the Kindle version of this book had gone down (temporarily) to $1.99 and since I’ve been wanting to read it, I jumped at the chance to get it. I have heard such great things about when Katherine and Jay spoke at Passion City Church during the sermon entitled “Don’t Waste Your Pain“, so I finally just recently watched it and — WOW!  I’m not all that far into the book yet, maybe a quarter done, but it’s absolutely inspiring. I’ll post back again once I’m done reading it.

So, that’s it for me and my reading of late. How about YOU? What are you reading these days?

Best,
Kelly

Eulogy for Whitney

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One week ago today, I stood before a room full of gathered family and friends of my step-sister to do what I never EVER wanted to do. I stood to give her eulogy. In all my life, I never imagined doing that and I would certainly never want to sit and write words to honor her in the past tense, but, tragically, Whitney was taken from us on Friday, February 24. Out of respect for privacy, I won’t go into details, but I will say that it was an auto accident that claimed her life and cut her time with us entirely too short. I’m still very much in shock and still leaning hard on my faith because this, frankly, is not the way it’s supposed to go. It’s just not right. And, it’s not okay. But, this I know without uncertainty — our God is sovereign and He is able. Only by Him will we be sustained. This isn’t something to “get over”, it’s something to learn to live with and that can only be done by God’s hand of mercy and strength.

Today, I’m sharing the eulogy I wrote and spoke at Whitney’s service. Mickey encouraged me to share it here on the blog. So, I am doing just that. My goal in speaking was to honor her and to remind us all of God’s abundant grace. I wanted to speak to the woman she was and will always be to those of us that knew and loved her.

*******

On behalf of Whitney’s family, I would like to thank you all for being here today.

I am Kelly Mellen and I’ve had the blessing of being Whitney’s sister since 1989.  Technically, we are step-sisters, but we have never been conventional enough to stick to any technicalities. If you know Whitney, especially, you know that to be true. The bonds she formed with family and with friends ran deep. It occurred to me very recently that our family is like a beautiful quilt – stitched together with various, but lovely, patterns brought together by bonds of blood, marriage, and friendship. Whitney knew her true family to be not only the ones she was born into, but also the ones she gained with Dorothy married my dad, and the ones she formed through her deep friendships throughout the years. Every person that meant so much to her added to the fabric of her life’s story. If she knew you and loved you, that bond was deep and valued in her life. And, I know she touched many lives for the good as shown by those here with us today.

If you got to see her regularly or even every once in awhile, one thing was for sure – with Whitney you could always pick up right where you left off. She had a way of staying connected to her loved ones. Her friend Brooke shared this story with me: “I met Whitney probably about 20 years ago. We became fast friends and were inseparable. We were in youth group together at ACC, we stayed at each other’s houses any chance we got, took beach trips together to St George Island with Aunt Clara, went to prom together…..we were just sisters. Like many people do, you grow up and then you take your direction of life whether it be moving, jobs, marriage. Due to this, Whitney and I haven’t been in close touch. We kept up with each other’s lives on Facebook but we never had many opportunities to reconnect. A week before the accident, I was cleaning an empty house. I was told that the realtor and buyers would be coming by to do a final walk through. As I was cleaning, I heard the sound of heels through the house. I walked out of the room and looked up and there was Whitney. Our faces lit up and we ran to each other with a hug. We spent a little bit catching up on life. She was happy. Everything she spoke about, you could see how happy she was. After a little bit, the buyers came in and they did their walk through. When they were done, Whitney walked them outside. I assumed that was it and we would catch up on the phone since we made sure we had each other’s current numbers. I was wrong. Whitney came bursting back in and said, “I need a goodbye hug!”  That’s exactly what it was and I’m so thankful that God let me have that moment with Whitney. I don’t believe that we just happened to run in to each other that day. God’s hands were in that. I love you Whitney and we shall see you soon…” (Thank you for sharing, Brooke)

We have gathered together today to celebrate Whitney’s life. To do justice to the woman she was, we must truly celebrate because Whitney was vibrant and she truly embraced and loved the joys of life. We may all shed some tears on this day, but we should also smile and laugh as we remember Whit because she would want us to do that. She would absolutely want every one of us to remember her with a smile in our hearts and on our faces. I have no doubt about that at all.

To know Whitney was to know a free spirited soul who loved music and was known to sing loud and proud in the car. As her dear friend Jennifer told me – Whitney used to get her to go for a car ride with her to listen to music, sing along EVERY lyric to a song, and then tell her exactly how those lyrics fit into her life at the time. Her friend Amanda texted me a video of Whit singing “Runaround” by Blues Traveler and told me that Whitney had asked her to video her because one day when she was old and gone, she wanted people to look back and see how pretty and full of life she was. And…she TRULY WAS. Whether she was giving a car concert, working in the vet’s office or real estate office, playing with kids, hanging out with friends or whatever she was doing…she was genuinely happy. That amazing smile told the tale over and over again.

As I shared on Facebook on Saturday, the quote of “not all who wander are lost” will always remind me of Whitney. She had a natural curiosity and she was a person who could find her niche anywhere she went. Whether she was in Carrolton, back here in Albany or WHEREVER…she always found her place. She always found her “tribe.” But, truly, she was never more at home than when she was in southwest Georgia. It is here that her soul was truly the most content and where her roots ran the deepest. Since she had been back in recent months, she was working to get her real estate license, spending time with her friends who are just like family, dating a great new guy (thank you, Matt, for being so good to her), and just generally loving life. She was very much at home and very clearly happy.

This is a day that not one of us in this room would ever want to face, believe me…I know. I would rather be anywhere doing anything else. But, I want us to all remember this – Scripture tells us in 2 Corinthians Chapter 5 Verse 8 that “to be absent from the body is to be present with God.” I hope you will join me in taking comfort in that and trusting that Whitney immediately entered her heavenly home on Friday. She has embraced her Savior, she has been reunited with loved ones, she has seen colors we can’t even imagine, and so much more. I also have to believe she’s heard some incredible music! Surely, she wouldn’t trade places now and even though we will all miss her tremendously, we wouldn’t take that reward from her either. Because as much as she experienced joy here in this life, the absolute JOY she’s experiencing now is like none we can even comprehend and I just know she can’t wait to share it with each of us one sweet day.

As we all go forward, I know there will continue to be tears and sadness. Knowing and loving Whitney blessed our lives and her not being here leaves an absence that is difficult to process. But, as we grieve, let’s also remember to think of all the good times we had with her and let’s be sure that we smile and even laugh as we remember. To honor her rightly, we have got to laugh, and we’ve got to SING. I promise to dedicate some of my own personal car concerts to my little sis and sing loud and proud just like she would.

I believe that Whitney would want her legacy to be that we should all fully embrace every day we are given in this life. Truly love your friends and family and by that multiply the joys of life and divide the sorrows. Live with faith and hope knowing that we’re all just passing through on this earth and we will see her again one day.

I love you, Whitney…and I will see you again, baby girl. If there’s a receiving line in heaven, I expect you to be in mine.

*******

This is the second eulogy I’ve given, the first was for my beloved Pop, and they are never easy to speak. I can only say that I am carried by God when I need to do something like this. I was a mess before and after I spoke both times, but God saw me through delivering what I needed and wanted to say. My best friend Terri’s dad told me before Pop’s service that he always counts on God to take over when he speaks in situations like this and I can vouch and testify that the same held true for me. Of my own strength, I am nothing. I couldn’t do this without faith. I couldn’t do any of it without Jesus holding me up. And, I’m thankful for His sustenance.

Please keep our family and Whitney’s friends in your prayers going forward.

Many thanks,
Kel

We love you always, Whitney! Rest easy and keep heaven poppin’ until we get there, baby girl!